This Life Gets Good is the podcast for women over 40 who want to feel good in their bodies. In this community, we don’t just settle for “healthy”, we allow ourselves to feel good everywhere we go, work, home, and even while chauffeuring our kids around after school.
I'm your host, Lauren Melton, founder of This Life Uncluttered, and a single mom who realized life can get SO good over 40. Now I help other women lose weight, feel hot & healthy, and build confidence in all parts of their lives.
From perimenopause to parenting, from dating to deadlines, we'll chat about all the things life throws at us with a little humor, honesty, and hard-earned lessons to help you build a body and a life that feel as good as they look. Because feeling good in your body makes everything else better.
Today's episode is a good one, and fair warning, it might make you a little uncomfortable (in the best way).
Sometimes the version of you who finally feels strong, confident, and at peace in her body is going to disappoint people. She's going to say no. She's going to stop explaining herself. And to the good girl you've always been — that might feel a little mean.
In this episode I get personal, from a volleyball coach who canceled my milkshake order in front of the entire team, to always being the only woman taking notes in the boardroom, and connect the dots between people-pleasing, over-functioning, and why weight loss feels so hard even when you're doing everything right.
Because the healed version of you isn't actually meaner. She's just less available for things that used to hurt her.
This one's a re-listen. Grab your coffee, open your notes, and come ready to think about where in your life you might need to get just a little bit meaner.
Welcome to This Life Gets Good, the podcast where we talk about what it actually means to feel good in your body. Because around here, we don't just settle for healthy. We believe you're allowed to feel good everywhere you go, at work, at home, and yes, even whilst you're burning your kids to practice. I'm Lauren Melton, founder of This Life Uncluttered, mom of two, and living proof that life can get really good after 40. I help high-achieving women to lose weight, feel hot and healthy, and bring that confidence into every part of their life without doing more or burning out. I am thrilled to share that the doors are officially open today for my next reset starting on April 6th. The reset is my six-week program where I help moms like you with demanding careers to lose weight and feel hot in their bodies again. Because even after 40, you are allowed to want that. And you deserve it too. And I know you know that I coach women on weight loss. I know you know I coach women on how to feel strong and get lean and feel good in your body, but you probably don't know how I actually do that or what's actually included in things like my six-week reset. So I'm so excited that today I'm gonna share with you this recent lesson from the collective. This is a paid training that my clients received and it blew their minds. And you're gonna get it today for free. I want you to get a feel for what my lessons are like in these programs, including the reset. So you can understand what it's like and see for yourself. Okay, so here is this lesson that blew their minds recently that you're gonna get today to hear for free. So I saw a quote floating around on social media this week and it really made me pause. I wanted to bring it here for us to talk about because I think it is so applicable to how we get to feeling really good in our body, to how we approach any weight loss goals or anything when it comes to really just thriving at this stage of our life and with motherhood. Here's the quote: Sometimes the healed version of you is meaner. Yeah, that hit me hard. When I think back to 20-something Lauren, if I had seen that quote, I probably would have just ignored it, to be honest, and wouldn't have thought it was applicable to me. It wouldn't have hit me like it did today. Let me tell you a story. Senior year in high school, I had this insane travel volleyball coach. She would yell at us, she would call us names, she would throw balls across the court when she was angry. I kid you not. It was wild. And I traveled around with this team for months that year. We'd stay at overnights at hotels for weekend tournaments, often without our parents. And at one of them in Pennsylvania, we were out to dinner at a TGI Fridays type place, and everyone was ordering milkshakes. And I ordered one too. My coach told the server to cancel my order and said I didn't need it, but let the other girls on the team who were smaller than me have theirs. Now, basically everyone else on the team was smaller than me. So I was the only one who didn't get the milkshake. Yes, this actually happened. And I just went along with it. Now, listen, I was 18 years old and she was an adult in an authority role. So there's a lot of power dynamics here at play. And equally, what would have happened if I had just said to the server, no, actually, I'll take the shake. What if I allowed myself to not just be the good girl that was allowing herself to get bullied around by my coach? What would that have felt like? And I'm sure it would have felt scary as hell to do. Even today, something like that might feel scary to do. And honestly, I doubt I'd be in this same exact situation, but there's plenty of other situations like this that happen. I remember also 20-something Lauren in a work situation like this, where a 40-something man said to me, You're really pretty for a big girl. What if I'd said to him, What do you mean by that? Or that's a pretty inappropriate comment to make. What would have happened if I did that? Would my coach feel a little bad? Yeah, they probably would. Does that mean I'm being mean for doing it? Absolutely not. But Good Girl Lauren would have absolutely equated calling them out on their bullshit comments as being mean. And sometimes it's not these extreme overt conversation type situations. Often it's more doing things that equate to not being the accommodating people pleaser, right? Like when you're at work and you're the one that's always asked to take notes in the executive meeting. And also you're the only woman in those meetings. This happened to me for years. What would it look like to say, I think we should start sharing this responsibility? Or even, no, I'm not going to take notes today. Now, I remember I actually did voice that conversation and we did get to the point where we did that, but it actually took a man speaking up to say, hey, I noticed that Lauren's always taking the notes. Why don't we just rotate this around after I had even brought it up? That's a conversation for a whole nother day. But today, Lauren, would have been a heck of a lot meaner and pushed it in a way that back then I just didn't. And maybe it's not necessarily just gender-related type things like this. Maybe it's not responding to that work email at 9.30 just to stay on top of it. Maybe it's saying this timeline isn't realistic, but here's what is. Maybe it's not volunteering to organize the team birthday lunch again. Maybe it's letting there be silence after you share an idea instead of softening it with, but I could be wrong, or I don't know, maybe there's something else here that others have to add. What would it look like to stop cushioning every sentence so no one else feels uncomfortable? What about in volunteer situations, when the PTO asks you to chair the fundraiser because you're just so organized? Or when the team mom group assumes you'll coordinate the snacks, or when church asks you to just help out for a few weeks and it turns out to be a year that happened to me. What would it look like to say, I can't commit to that right now? Full stop, no explanation, no overjustifying. It might feel mean, but it's actually just boundary setting. And we know there's nothing mean about using boundaries. It's actually very kind to do. Or with a spouse or partner, not automatically eating what they want to eat for dinner, saying, I'm going to the gym on Saturday morning instead of asking, is it okay if I go to the gym on Saturday morning? Or saying, I need you to handle bedtime tonight. What would it feel like to stop making yourself smaller so others feel more comfortable? That healed version of you might look a bit meaner. And now let's talk a little bit about how being meaner might translate to showing up with weight loss. Maybe being meaner means questioning your old patterns, saying no to the nightly wine when everyone else is pouring, not finishing your kids' leftovers because you don't want to waste food, leaving the restaurant when you're satisfied instead of stopped, saying, I'm done talking about my body like that, or not explaining yourself when it comes to anything related to what you're eating or drinking, or what you're not eating or drinking, not feeling any need to explain why you're weighing and measuring your food. That can feel mean. It's actually just being disciplined. And what about being meaner when it comes to your inner critic? This is a really powerful one. The healed version might say, we don't talk to ourselves like that anymore. Or missing one workout doesn't mean we quit. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. That version, she tolerates less of her own BS. And that might feel harsh, but it's actually self-respect. And what does it look like when we're being meaner about our standards? I know so many of you hold yourself to an extremely high standard, especially when it comes to your work, but often less good at having standards for how you're treated. This could be like saying things like, no, I don't cancel my workout for that last-minute chaos that came up. No, I don't accept feeling exhausted as my baseline. And no, I don't drink just to make other people comfortable. The healed version is less flexible, less willing to accommodate others for things that drain her. And here's something to think about. Maybe it isn't that the healed version of you is meaner. Maybe she's just less available for things that used to hurt her in the past. 20-something Lauren would have thought all of this was aggressive, selfish, or just too much. But 40-something Lauren knows it's self-respect. And I see so many of you inside the collective still trying to feel good in your body and lose weight in the nice girl way, not wanting to inconvenience anyone else, not wanting to rock the boat, not wanting to be that woman who makes everyone adjust. But the version of you who feels strong, confident, and at peace in her body, she has boundaries. She's gonna disappoint people sometimes. She doesn't explain herself into exhaustion. That's required. And this is where you have to dig deep to do the work to disconnect from that fear you have with other people's reactions for when you may disappoint them, when you may upset them, when you may say something that's gonna make them think or call them out on their bullshit. For high-achieving career-driven moms, meaner often means not overfunctioning anymore, not overexplaining yourself, and not emotionally managing everyone else. You are not responsible for holding everyone else's emotions. And that overfunctioning is directly tied to stress, cortisol, poor sleep, cravings, exhaustion. It's a vicious loop. This isn't just relational, it's physiological. The nervous system of the good girl is constantly scanning for approval. The nervous system of a healed woman is steady. She doesn't need to take on the emotions of everyone else to feel good herself. So, this is a heavy topic, and there's a lot to unpack here. Today, what do I want you to take away? You probably need to re-listen to this one. This is a good one you may want to come back to and listen to it once more. And then I want you to think about this. What's one place this week where you're willing to risk being quote-unquote mean in order to feel better in your body? What does that look like for you? What does that mean? How are you gonna get there? Okay, so I'm so curious now. What do you think after hearing this? Some of the lessons are more like this, where we dig into mindset, really making us think a bit deeper and really question all those stories we've been told all of our lives and continue to carry ourselves today. But others are more tangible tools and tips, kind of like last week's podcast episode on my top 10 tips for eating out. And this is what makes the reset so different from any other weight loss program. Other coaching containers they don't touch on all of these pieces, they don't get into this level of support to really make things consistent because sometimes you need the strategy and mindset. And sometimes you need to just know exactly how to execute. And sometimes you need the accountability to stay consistent. So I include all of this in my coaching containers because when you're over 40 in perimenopause, this is what makes weight loss doable. And in the reset, here's what that looks like. You're only gonna get the information that you need, and it's gonna be packaged in an easy to digest format, like quick 10 minute or less audio lessons like this one, brief emails, because your mental load is already overloaded. And adding more to that is not what we do here. Instead, I'll share only what you need to know to get results in your 40 plus body and keep you focused on those drivers of weight loss so you can ignore all the other confusing messages that are probably flooding your Instagram feed these days. You're gonna get true accountability and me fully in it with you, integrating your plan every step of the way. That is going to change your life and your body because I can step in and point out the things you aren't necessarily seeing and help you stay the course or even course correct if we need to make any changes to your plan to get you results. And here's the best part you'll get direct one-on-one access to me every week. This is such a huge piece of the reset that's insane given the price point. That direct access you have to me is gonna help you stay consistent and accountable over those six weeks. We're gonna do this through voice and text notes because no one has time to carve out another live Zoom meeting in your already packed calendar. So I'm gonna fit right into your schedule and not be just another thing you have to do. And your plan in the reset, it's gonna be totally custom, written by me just for you. I'll design your plan based on your goals, your current habits, things like how often you eat out, what kind of work you do, even the like dynamics of your family. What does that look like? What does the household mental load look like? What are the things that stress you out? What are the things you're really good at? Knowing this information, I will put together a plan that's gonna work specifically for you and not just a generic PDF that's copy and pasted out of Chat GPT. Then I'm gonna walk you through that plan. You're gonna get a personalized video explaining what you will do and how I will support you to get those amazing results in your body. Your plan may include access to things like my workouts, but it might not. And there's no right or wrong here. This is where I'm gonna create the custom plan for you and what you need to get the results. Like Reset Member Allie, who lost over eight pounds in six weeks without workouts, but using macro tracking and steps. Or Kate, who lost five pounds in six weeks without tracking her food, but focusing on her steps and workouts and following my meal recommendations. Or Kate, yes, another Kate, who lost 10 pounds in six weeks by reducing her number of meals out and taking messy action to track macros, even if not perfectly. Or Lorraine, who lost 13 pounds, yes, 13 pounds in six weeks without tracking, but following my recommended meals, reducing alcohol and getting back to working out. Because the truth is, there's really not one way to do this. Every woman is so unique and has different variables in their body and in their life. And each of those women that I mentioned in the reset, there was a lot of level of granularity that it took to figure out what was going to work for them. It wasn't a generic plan. And that's the thing I love to help women do. Because the one thing that they all have in common is they're highly successful, they're smart women, living demanding lives. And the key to getting them results was to build out the systems to make it doable for them with the support and accountability to be consistent to keep going. And that's exactly how I've designed and run each reset. And I'd love nothing more than to help you do the same too, because you deserve to feel good in your body again. You deserve to head into summer feeling amazing. And whatever you put on and whatever room you enter, from the conference room to the classroom to the beach, you deserve this. So if you're curious, head to the show notes. I would love more than anything to help you feel hot and confident in your body again. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of This Life Gets Good. I am truly grateful you chose to invest your time to listen. Your feedback matters here. And if you found this podcast to make a difference for you, please take a minute to share a review. Once a month, I'll select one lucky listener who shares a review to win a live 101 strategy call with me, where I'll personally coach you on your exact next steps to see weight loss results and finally feel hot again. And if this episode made you feel seen, share it with a friend who deserves to feel that way too.
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