Why Staying The Course is Sometimes The Worst Thing You Can Do

I scrapped an entirely different episode this week. Wrote it, then realized it wasn't great, so I started over from scratch. And somewhere in that process, I realized the whole experience was one of the most relatable parallels to what I see women go through on their weight-loss journeys every single day.

So that is what this episode is about. The moments when we know something is not working and keep doing it anyway. The sunk cost that keeps us stuck long past the point when we should have pivoted. The shame around starting over that we have to learn to separate from good judgment. And the honest feedback that changes everything when it comes from the right person at the right time.

If the honest answer to "is this working" is no, or even if you are not sure, apply for 1:1 coaching today. I have a few spots open, and I would love to help you figure out what actually needs to change. 

APPLY FOR 1:1 Coaching here!

HOW TO CONNECT WITH ME: Send me a DM on Instagram @thislifeuncluttered or on LinkedIn @laurenlynnmelton

I’d love to hear from you! 

Transcript

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Welcome to This Life Gets Good, the podcast where we talk about what it actually means to feel good in your body. Because around here, we don't just settle for healthy. We believe you're allowed to feel good everywhere you go, at work, at home, and yes, even whilst you're burning your kids to practice. I'm Lauren Melton, founder of This Life Uncluttered, mom of two, and living proof that life can get really good after 40. I help high-achieving women to lose weight, feel hot and healthy, and bring that confidence into every part of their life without doing more or burning out. So I had an entirely different podcast drafted for this week. And I decided to scrap it. Seriously. I had written it, I sent it off to my business mentor, like I typically do, so I can get her feedback. And I knew it wasn't great, but I also was working really fast. I was trying to get a bunch of stuff done, checking things off my list in advance of my vacation. And the idea of having a few podcasts done and recorded in advance, that felt really good at the time. So I pumped it out, I wrote something, and I sent it over to her. And she nicely shared that she didn't really love the episode. And she was right. She was totally right. And I knew it. So here we are, starting over. And then it hit me that this experience was so relatable to the things I had to learn along the way in my own weight loss journey and in feeling really good in my body. And so I decided that this would actually be the most valuable thing for you to hear about today. The first parallel that I want to talk about was when I recognized that I was able to scrap the entire episode, start over, and not feel like a total failure. Like I just did it. I just did it without any shame, without a lot of drama. I just decided and I moved on. And when it comes to weight loss, that ability to try a new approach after others haven't worked for you and see it as evidence of good judgment rather than failure changes everything. Like in the past, this is where instead of realizing I didn't have the right plan or the right support. So instead I thought, oh my gosh, something must be wrong with me. Right. Like, I just can't do this. What's wrong with me? When really I needed to recognize it was time to pivot and get a different plan and get a different level of support. Now that is something I am fully able to see and do when it comes to my body and the practices in my business. And I see this over and over with the women that I help and support. So often, the shame around starting over is what keeps women stuck, trying approaches that clearly are not working for them long past when they should have pivoted to something else. And the sooner they were able to do that pivot, the sooner they're gonna start feeling better. Like, just like in business, right? Those who can adjust and act faster typically get better results. Like when I worked in my tech companies, they use an MVP model, minimal viable product. Not most valuable player, although I felt like I was a most valuable player back in the day in those organizations, but minimal viable product. They don't sit around waiting until they have an entirely polished product to launch it. No, they get something out as quickly as they can so they can get feedback on it, so they can make it even better. And so they can pivot and not be so stuck into one end result that might not even be the right solution. So being able to pivot and make that adjustment without seeing it as a failure, without seeing it as shame, that is a skill that is very necessary to feeling good in your body. The other thing I got caught up with at first here was thinking that just publishing an episode was good enough. And I get it because sometimes we need to just take messy action. We need to just get stuff done, right? I'm always encouraging you to do that. Take the action. But equally, quality truly matters. And this is something I continue to learn when it comes to my business and my body. Like this is a very nuanced topic for sure, since some actions will be good enough for plenty of women, depending on where they are, where they're starting, and just won't cut it for other women who might not have as much weight to lose or things to work on. So this good enough trap can look really different depending on where you are and what your goals are. But maybe it's like someone who says, like, she's tracking her food, but she's totally estimating everything. And then she's wondering why the scale isn't moving. Or someone who's technically working out, but really they're just kind of going through the motions without any real progressive overload, or they're relying solely on cardio or Pilates, and then they're wondering why their body isn't changing. Doing the thing and doing the thing well are two completely different things. And I often see women working incredibly hard at doing a lot of things, but not necessarily focusing on doing the right things really well. I get it. I'm guilty of this too. Like, who doesn't love checking things off a to-do list, right? I mean, I will write something on my to-do list after I finished it to have the satisfaction of crossing it off. You know what I mean? I know I'm not alone here. I know that. But I've learned that actually doing less and doing it really well in a way that's going to get me the results I really want, that's more important than just doing things. But it can be really hard to walk away, to scrap something, right? Especially when you've put a lot of time into it or money. Like if you've made a significant investment into something, it makes it even harder to walk away. This is the sunk cost fallacy when we've already invested a lot of resources, time, money, effort, like all of that that can't be recovered. We become biased to believe they will work, that they have to work, right? That we just have to stay the course. And listen, things do take time. So I'm not recommending you immediately walk away or scrap everything the minute you think it's not working. But I have seen this over and over. Women tell me they're working with a registered dietitian or another coach or they're following an app and they've invested a serious amount of money into a program or a coach, yet they know it's not the right fit. Either the approach is not working or the support is not what they need, but they've already paid. So they feel this pressure to finish out the program and they can't bring themselves to walk away from what they've already spent. And then they end the program or the relationship without getting the results they wanted and having spent the money. The sunk cost kept them in something that was not working long enough for them to get anything out of it. And I did this myself too, staying on longer than I should have in a coaching relationship when I knew it wasn't getting me where I wanted to go. But I'd paid a ridiculous amount of money, like a lot of money. So it had to work, right? Like I kept convincing myself that. Nope, it didn't. And the sooner I could walk away, the sooner I could find my current mentor who has helped me unlock a whole new level for me and results. But trusting myself to invest again in another mentor, that wasn't easy. Once you've invested a significant amount of money into something that didn't work, like a program, a coach, an app, whatever it is, it becomes really hard to trust yourself to invest again. And not just financially, but more so like emotionally. Because now you have evidence. Like you have clear evidence that you can spend money on something and not get results. And you're gonna remember how that felt every time you consider something new. This is when we decide that it's not just worth it, right? Like you tell yourself, why am I gonna invest again? Why should I try and do it right again? Look at what happened. And this is when you end up trying to do it alone. And usually you're doing that because you're trying to avoid the risk of being burned again. And I completely understand this since I lived it. That coaching relationship that did not work cost me a lot of money. And it left me questioning whether investing in support was even worth it for me. But what I realized was I just hadn't found the right fit yet. And I needed to ask the right questions the next time to decide who was the best fit moving forward. And I needed to have a chance to work with that person directly before making this larger investment, which is exactly what I did when I had a one-on-one intensive opportunity. That's where I was able to dig in on things more than just about the price, right? Because the price is one factor, but there was so much more that I needed to know to see if she was a good fit. Like, does she understand my specific situation? Has she worked with women like me? Do I trust that she's gonna tell me the truth even when I don't want to hear it? Yeah, like seriously, as evidenced in this episode, right? I had to ask questions like, is there enough specificity in what she offers that I can see how it applies to my actual life and my goals? Fortunately, I did all of this and I was able to invest again. And it's been an incredible experience. But in all of these situations, I had to let go of my original plan. A bit simpler with scrapping the podcast episode and a lot more complicated with the coaching relationship, but I had to let go of the version of what I had originally planned to get to the one that actually worked for me. I had to let go in order to make something better. And when it comes to weight loss, this is one of the hardest things to do. Letting go of an approach that used to work for you, but no longer seems to. Letting go of activities you enjoy, but might actually make it harder for you to lose weight. Like my runner-obsessed friends, my cardio bunnies. I get it. I used to ride my Peloton seven days a week, but it wasn't giving me the body I wanted. And it wasn't making me feel any better. But I'd invested a lot of money into that bike. I had spent a lot of time riding it. I became part of a tribe. Literally, we called ourselves a tribe. I don't think that's politically correct anymore, but that's what we did back then. We were riding along together every morning at 5 45 with my internet buddies who I'd never actually met in person. My identity was deeply tied to it. And it was keeping me stuck from actually feeling good in my body. Reducing my Peloton rides, it wasn't easy. Staying attached to your original plan, even if it's not working for you, is one of the sneakiest ways a self-sabotage can show up. Because you think you're just being committed, but you're actually staying comfortable. Now, I still love my Peloton. I ride it a heck of a lot less. And I enjoy it while I do, but I'm not as tied to it. I've seriously even considered getting rid of it. I know. It's hard to believe as someone used to ride it seven days a week, but I'm just not using it as frequently as I used to. I actually have it paused right now because I haven't used it in months. The point being, I allowed myself to let go of something that wasn't getting me to feeling my best. And it wasn't that it was a bad thing. Like there's nothing wrong with riding a Peloton bike. It's a great form of cardio, but it's not what I needed to get the results I wanted to feel my best. And I'm able to do cardio in other formats. So it's just not serving its purpose like it used to. Staying attached to your original plan when it's not working for you is gonna hold you back. And recognizing this is one of the biggest things you can do to get to a place where you feel incredible in your body. This is also when having a coach can change everything. Like having a mentor with a second set of eyes on my work to say, hmm, I don't think this is working, and support me with a plan and action steps that will get me the results I want. That changes everything because feedback can be such a gift when it's coming from the right person, providing the right support, and in a relationship where you have enough trust built in order to receive it. Most women who are trying to lose weight on their own are operating in a complete vacuum. They're trying to be good and they have no one telling them that the approach is not working until months have passed and the frustration has compounded. But what if you had real, honest feedback from someone who knows you, who knows what you need and can deliver that feedback in a way that you can receive it? This is one of the most underrated advantages of working with a coach. Because I probably could get to the point myself where I realized I needed to scrap the original episode on my own, right? But it probably wouldn't have happened until I had the experience of drafting and recording another hundred, two hundred, thousand plus episodes, right? Or truthfully, maybe I wouldn't even have gotten there because I would have given up after being frustrated that my podcasts weren't getting me the results I wanted. With my support system, I'm getting there a heck of a lot faster and feeling a heck of a lot better while doing it. I knew this original episode wasn't great before I sent it to my mentor. Like I felt it. But sometimes you need to hear it from someone else. Like you need to get that honest feedback telling you that so you can actually get the results you want. Like when I have to have some of the harder conversations with some of my clients, that like realistically they can't drink as much alcohol as they have been and get the results that they desire. Or they probably aren't gonna get to where they want if they keep eating out as frequently as they are. Sometimes they need to hear it, just like I do too. Even if we know it, hearing it from someone else, a trusted source, is going to make it more impactful. Hearing it from a trusted source is gonna help us to take that action. And just like in weight loss, when you know what you're doing isn't working, but you keep doing it anyways, because you've already invested time, money, effort, you're emotionally attached to the outcome. Changing course can feel a heck of a lot like failure. But your gut feeling is almost always right. And the question is whether you're willing to act on it before you spend another six to 12 months trying to prove yourself correct. So here's my question for you Is what you're doing right now actually working? Like really working for you? If the honest answer is yes, amazing, keep going. That's incredible, and I'm so happy for you. Keep doing it. But if the honest answer is no, or even if you're not sure, that second guessing and questioning is worth paying attention to. The sun cost fallacy is really sneaky and it will keep you in something that is not working for a very long time if you let it. I still have a few one-on-one spots open right now. And this is exactly the kind of thing I help women figure out what is actually working, what is not, and most importantly, what to do instead. So you no longer second guess yourself or have to give something another six months to see if it will actually work. In the last month, my clients have had incredible results all during the summer. Like my client Michelle, who is now down over 30 pounds since she started the reset. Then she stayed on in the collective and recently she upgraded to one-on-one. And my client Erica, who came to me actively gaining weight while still running six days a week. And right now, she's off enjoying her summer on the Cape, feeling incredible, wearing a two-piece, looking really hot. She's lost 32 pounds since we started working together in a one-on-one capacity. And you can have this too. You get to feel great in your body. You're allowed to have that. And I want you to have that too. So head to the show notes and apply today. I would love to hear what you've been doing and help you figure out what actually needs to change. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of This Life Gets Good. I am truly grateful you chose to invest your time to listen. Your feedback matters here. And if you found this podcast to make a difference for you, please take a minute to share a review. Once a month, I'll select one lucky listener who shares a review to win a live 101 strategy call with me, where I'll personally coach you on your exact next steps to see weight loss results and finally feel hot again. And if this episode made you feel seen, share it with a friend who deserves to feel that way too.