How Hot Moms Receive??

The women losing weight and keeping it off after 40 are not more motivated or more disciplined than you. They’ve just built the right team. This episode is the behind the scenes look at exactly what that means.

I share my own support system and a few client stories that showcase just how this works! The results you want live on the other side of finally allowing yourself support.

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Transcript

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Welcome to This Life Gets Good, the podcast where we talk about what it actually means to feel good in your body. Because around here, we don't just settle for healthy. We believe you're allowed to feel good everywhere you go, at work, at home, and yes, even whilst you're burning your kids to practice. I'm Lauren Melton, founder of This Life Uncluttered, mom of two, and living proof that life can get really good after 40. I help high-achieving women to lose weight, feel hot and healthy, and bring that confidence into every part of their life without doing more or burning out. So today, I'm gonna give you the behind-the-scenes look at how my clients and how I myself use support to get the bodies that we have, the bodies that we feel so freaking incredible in every day. And how you could be getting better results if you actually allowed yourself to receive some support too. I know so many of you struggle to allow yourself this. And I want to help you see just how impactful it truly is when you allow yourself to be a hot mom who receives. And trust me, I know that the moms with demanding jobs who are the most successful at losing weight and keeping it off, they're the ones who embrace support in all areas of their lives. They aren't more motivated, they aren't more disciplined than you. They've just built the right team and they have the right support systems in place around them, both at work and at home. And I'm gonna be honest that I really don't identify anymore as a woman who has a hard time doing this, like has a hard time allowing myself to receive support because I've embraced it so much and I've seen just how much it's improved my entire life, that now I can't even imagine not having it or not wanting it moving forward. Like I have a business coach, I have a physique coach, and I've worked with therapists for years, most recently a somatic therapist, and I've truly embraced what support looks like and what I need to be in my hot mom era, right? In terms of like stuff at home. Heck, I even sold my house and moved into an apartment where I could just enter a work order in and not have to worry about like keeping up the home all on my own. I took it to that extreme. So receiving support is something I truly embrace. But this wasn't always the case. I definitely did not allow myself to receive support for years. And I know so many of you aren't on the boat just yet about seeing support as a flax, and you're still probably thinking of it as a weakness. So I thought it would be really helpful to dive into this and share a bit on how I made this mindset shift and then share some ideas on how moms, especially with demanding jobs that I work with, are allowing themselves to receive support so you can get some ideas and think about what might work for you if you allow yourself to do that. Okay, but first, let's talk about why it feels so off in the first place. It makes sense that we feel this way, especially when it comes to weight loss and feeling good in our bodies. Women, especially moms, we've been conditioned to believe that doing everything alone, it's like some kind of virtue. Needing help can be seen as like a character flaw, right? And instead of a completely normal part of our life. And for high achieving women, this is amplified. We've built our entire identity around being the capable, competent one who doesn't need to rely on anyone else for anything. So then, these high achievers like us, we compare ourselves to other women who look like they're managing everything alone. And then we ask ourselves, like, how do they do it all? And we assume that's the standard we should strive for. But really, we aren't seeing what is really happening behind the scenes and what support they are receiving that they aren't necessarily talking about or showcasing on Instagram. Lately, I have seen more women in powerful roles being open and honest about the support they really have, which I think is great. And I hope we can all start doing more of this and modeling what receiving support really looks like because it is not something we should be ashamed about. Trying to burn ourselves out, doing everything without support, that is not a flex. And when it comes to weight loss, I know it carries extra shame around needing support because the messaging we've always been told is that if you're overweight, you must be lazy, which is absolutely absurd. That is not what's going on. And if you can't figure it out alone, you can't do this by yourself, you must not want it bad enough, which is also absurd. This framing, it's both inaccurate and it's actually really harmful. And funny enough, one of the positive things I've seen come out of more use of GLP1s and their popularity and them just becoming more mainstream is that it's brought more awareness around why this is a tool that can be so helpful and the science behind what really causes weight gain beyond just willpower. And it's really reducing some of the stigma around this topic. But I also know so many women are still so super fearful to admit that they're using a GLP one as a tool. Again, because they feel shame for needing to use that tool. And finally, our good go conditioning here definitely comes into play. The belief that asking for things, like asking for support, that can be inconvenient, even selfish, like your needs should not take up space. They definitely shouldn't require money. And a good woman would just figure this out or doesn't make it into anyone else's problem. If you need a refresher on how to work through this, go check out my very last episode, episode 35, where I dove into this. So, how do we make this mindset shift actually happen? I'm sure hearing all this, you're nodding along and get that it makes sense to receive support. And you can probably connect with a piece of what I just shared about why it might feel so hard. So, what do you do? Like, what do you actually do to shift your mindset to receiving support? And listen, I know if you've been burned with support before, this is so hard. Maybe you did allow yourself to have support. Maybe it wasn't the right support. And now you're more inclined to just want to double down and go at it alone. When really it was just that you didn't have the right support. And it's not a case that support is not the answer. And this is when you're going to have to reframe how you think about receiving support. The one analogy that really hit home for me was thinking about how CEOs operate. There is not a CEO on the planet operating on a high level without a heck of a lot of support. And they aren't afraid to be crystal clear on what they need in order to do their own work and spend their time where it's best, not just where they think they should spend it. And if they didn't have the right support in place, like for example, if their executive assistant didn't have the right attention to detail, they wouldn't question if they actually need an EA or not. They'd recognize they probably just need a new EA or to get the one they have trained with the right skills to support them in a way that they need. Just the other day, one of my clients got a big promotion to the C-suite with a global company. And my first question to her was, what support do you need to be successful in this role? And her immediate response was exactly what I expected. She started talking about what she needed in terms of the people on her team. She needed to make a few changes, maybe a new few new hires, which I totally get. And it makes sense. Like I spent 20 plus years in HR. I know that team is so important for support. But I asked her to go deeper and think about this outside of work too. What did she need at home right now? What support did she need to have in place with this new role in terms of meals, workouts, steps, stress management, all of it? It turns out the new role came with breakfast and lunch in a fancy cafeteria. So she and I actually reviewed the menu together and I helped her pick out exactly what she could enjoy and would be on plan for her. But I also challenged her to think about what else she and her husband needed at home. Because I know when women get big roles, it's not always the same conversation as like when men do. No high performers in any field succeed entirely without support. Like an athlete would not be performing at the level they are without a coach. A trial lawyer would not be winning cases without a paralegal. It's just assumed that support is required in these situations. They're self-aware enough to know that having that support is the only way that they can operate at their best and get the best results. That mindset shift happens when we reframe what receiving support means and see it not as a weakness, but as self-awareness that it's what we actually need. That's exactly what high-performing people do. Like the male CEO, he's not seeing outsourcing his meals as a weakness. So why should we? And moms and demanding jobs who are the most successful at losing weight and keeping it off, they embrace this in all areas of their lives. They're the ones who built the right team and have the right support systems in place around them at work and at home. Because trust me, the women who seem to all have it figured out, that have it all together, they are rarely doing it alone. They just probably aren't likely talking about their support system publicly. So, what can support look like? Because trust me, the women who seem to have it all figured out are rarely doing it alone. They just aren't talking about their support system publicly. So let's talk about it publicly here. What are the support systems women who are losing weight and feeling good in their bodies allowing themselves to receive? The number one time-saving tool that I would recommend to busy moms with demanding jobs is grocery delivery or pickup. Not only does it cut down time spent shopping, but you will create a repeatable list that you can literally duplicate your shopping cart each week with less decision fatigue, deciding what to order, ordering the same foods as the last week, and repeating the meals if you enjoyed them and they worked. Why change it up? Rinse and repeat. If you are not doing grocery delivery or pickup, I promise you, you've got to try it. The next. This one might be a luxury, but I'm telling you, I have seen clients save money using this over and over, especially if they were eating out a lot. Meal prep, meal planning, outsourcing. So when you hire someone to actually prepare your meals, maybe they're doing that in your home, or maybe you're having that delivered to your home, maybe you're ordering uh through a meal prep service, whatever that looks like, this one can be a total game changer. So definitely consider that one. This next one, I truly believe should be a non-negotiable for moms with demanding jobs. And those that haven't, I highly encourage you to try it out: house cleaning services. So that Sunday that used to go to cleaning can now go to something that actually serves your goals and feeling good in your body, or having a home that feels clean and not having to worry about doing it yourself. This is one I would absolutely recommend. The next one, it's more of tools, tools that can cut cooking time in half. And yes, receiving support from better tools counts as well. If you do not have an air fryer andor an Instant, what are you doing? Particularly the air fryer. I'll be honest, I haven't used my Instapot as often as I used to, but it is also super helpful. An air fryer cuts the cooking dime down so much. It also makes your food really crispy, which I love. So if you're not someone who loves vegetables or if you love french fries, like pop some potatoes sliced or cubed up in the air fryer, and trust me, delicious. Another tool that is a non-negotiable for so many of my clients and myself, especially if you work at a computer all day, a walking pad. And trust me, you will get used to it. And eventually you're gonna love it when you're crushing 12K steps per day when 4K used to feel like a real stretch. Walking pad is a game changer for women who have jobs that you're staring at a computer all day. The next one, you probably wouldn't think of this one, but I promise you it absolutely is a game changer. Following a coach-written workout program. Now, I'm not talking about hitting play on a Peloton class or following some random workouts on YouTube. I'm talking about one built for your 40 plus body from a coach who's giving you form feedback so that you're optimizing your moves, you're building muscle, and you're feeling safe while doing it. When clients work with me one-on-one, I write them custom workout plans based on their access to equipment, time that they can commit to the workouts, their goals, injuries, which let's be honest, for many of us over 40, we've all have some are currently working through them. And for the women who are in the reset and collective with me, they're following a program as well, just like this. It will remove the time of you having to decide on your own what you should be doing, walking around the gym, kind of staring at equipment, afraid to use the ones that are really going to make the biggest change in your bodies. Trust me, following a coach-written workout program that's an actual strength program changes everything. The next one, working with an actual coach, or maybe multiple like me. Someone who can provide you a space where you feel seen and understood and can help you make adjustments in real time when life is happening, changes everything. This could be a coach, like me, obviously, or someone else, but it also could be a business or a life coach. Heck, I've even hired a dating coach before when I felt like I needed some support with online dating last year. Coaching can be so impactful. And the last one, I don't have personal experience with this. And I know it may sound fancy, but I have heard from some of my online friends that it's not actually as expensive as you might think and has been so helpful is hiring a house manager. Having someone that can be supporting your home a few hours a week can make a huge difference. Some of them are even remote, some of them are in person. Um, but some of it's just been like five hours a week or so. And it's been really awesome to hear of their experiences. So that could be something to check out too. But here's the real kicker when it comes to support that I really want you to think. The number one benefit that I've experienced anytime I've allowed myself any of these different types of support, it's time. Results come faster and they last longer when you have support in place. The obvious one is when you outsource something to someone else to do, right? Like that's taking the to-do off your list so you can spend your time where it's really most valuable, which is probably not cleaning your kids' bathroom, right? But this also could be when you hire a coach, when you get an extra set of eyes from someone who is an expert in something that you are not, giving you the inside scoop on where to focus and where not to waste your time. Often you are too close to your own habits to see the patterns in your own blind spots. So having this outside perspective, it changes everything and it brings those opportunities to light. And of course, there's the accountability piece. When someone is invested in your outcome and checking in regularly, your follow-through will always be better. Like I know I have to complete my check-in for my coach every Sunday before my Monday check-in. So I'm less apt to overindulge on a Saturday night, knowing I'm gonna be taking progress photos in my bathroom on Sunday morning. Like that's just the truth. And with my business mentor, she literally puts to-do items in Basecamp, which is the app that we use following our weekly one-on-ones, based on what we identified as the items I need to prioritize moving forward. And let me tell you, as someone who likes to check things off my to-do list, I don't like when I have too many hanging out on that list in Basecamp. And it sure does light a fire to get me moving things along in my business. This podcast is one example of that, something that she and I talked about. And it was on that to-do list, and here I am 36 episodes later. And there's the benefit of having someone help you make adjustments along the way and help you stay focused on what's working so you don't self-sabotage. So you don't self-sabotage when you try and move the goalpost too soon. I see this over and over. Like one of my clients recently, she'd been losing weight pretty steadily. And then it seemed to come to what felt to her like a screeching halt. And in the past, when she was trying to do this on her own, this is when she'd probably default to thinking she needed to do something extreme, right? Like she had to cut out a meal period or carbs or add in a ton of cardio. But when I looked at her data, it was crystal clear her weekly average on steps was decreasing each week. And we didn't actually need to change anything with her food. We just needed to build a more solid system for her hitting her step targets regularly, which we did. And guess what? The scale is moving again. But some of the most significant benefits that I have felt and see my clients feel from having the right support is to you stop feeling like you're doing it alone, that you're no longer like isolated on this island. Weight loss in particular can feel like a deeply private struggle that nobody else understands. Often not your husband, right? Often your husband can be like, oh, I'm just gonna like cut out alcohol for a week and start running and they just start losing pounds. But having someone in your corner who truly understands your specific situation, it removes that isolation. Like one of my clients last week shared with me that she did not expect to have the conversation that we were having. And she shared that she felt so comfortable for the first time in a long time initiating intimacy with her husband again. She said it was the first time in years that she had done that. This is one of the non-scale victories that often comes when we feel hot in our body again. And we do not talk about this enough, but intimacy with our partners and our loved ones is so important. And having that body confidence, now this client feeling confident to initiate it with her spouse, it's improving their marriage. And funny enough, one of the coolest benefits I've experienced by embracing support is the change I felt in my relationship with myself. Like investing in myself, putting money into me, sending a message that I am worth it, I am worth having support. That changed how I showed up at work, in my relationships, and even as a mom. And it's been an incredible ripple effect to see that support benefit the rest of my life. Knowing that I'm modeling for my boys that it's totally normal for moms to receive support. I'm not sure I could have lost 75 pounds and kept it off this past decade without allowing myself all the support that I have. And I know cost always comes into play here anytime we have to invest. And one question I always ask myself when I'm trying to decide like, is it worth it to invest? Is like, what will Lauren, like, what will I think 12 months from now? Like, am I gonna be mad that I made this investment? Or will I be wondering what else can I invest in next? Because any investment I've made into my health has had this ripple effect, helping me actually bring in more income or savings too. Like the amount of money that I am saving by not buying new clothes all the time, or the money I'm saving by not ordering out five times a week or buying wine by the case anymore. Let me tell you, my bank account has benefited significantly from that. And on the other side, I know the confidence I have built in my body has translated into growth in my business for sure. And I know you might be saying, well, yeah, Lauren, you're a coach that helps women lose weight. So your body is kind of selling the business. But I'm telling you, even before I made this transition in my HR career, I brought a level of confidence when I walked into rooms that I didn't have previously. And I know that helps me feel more confident advocating for promotions for when I moved into a consultant role and was making more than I ever had previously. So the question I usually was asking myself anytime I've invested is why didn't I do it sooner? Like having the right support with someone who knows your actual life. If you're a finance leader with a husband who travels nonstop, you have three boys who all play sports, maybe you're struggling with chronic constipation that you've had for years, having a support system that can build out systems so you can do what you need to do without it feeling like a monumental effort every freaking day, you deserve that. The right support looks like having someone to reach out to when Tuesday night falls apart, so you don't decide to write it off for the whole rest of the week and then start over next Monday. No, you're gonna start over that night or Wednesday morning. The faster you bounce back, the faster you get to the level of consistency that leads to results. This is truly where one-on-one coaching lives. The most capable women on this planet are not doing it alone. Trust me, the men sure aren't. We know that. So if you are ready to stop doing this alone and to start embracing the support that you deceive, to see that support as a flax because you deserve it, apply for one-on-one coaching. I have two one-on-one spots open in August, and I'd love to see if we're a good fit to work together. That's why I have you fill out an application so I can make sure that I can really be the best support to get you the results that you deserve. So if you're ready, head to the show notes and apply today. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of This Life Gets Good. I am truly grateful you chose to invest your time to listen. Your feedback matters here. And if you found this podcast to make a difference for you, please take a minute to share a review. Once a month, I'll select one lucky listener who shares a review to win a live 101 strategy call with me, where I'll personally coach you on your exact next steps to see weight loss results and finally feel hot again. And if this episode made you feel seen, share it with a friend who deserves to feel that way too.